Stepping Into the Work: A Year of Training and Filmmaking

Opening — A Year That Changed Me
A whole year has flown by since I last blogged. For quite a few days, I felt bad that I’d dropped an artistic commitment I’d made to myself to write regularly… until I really let myself acknowledge how much I’ve been in the trenches of creating art, growing, and taking care of life in the past twelve months.
 
So instead of staying in that, I decided to give myself a shout out and douse myself in some well-earned recognition, love, and warm validation.
 
This past year didn’t just fill me up —it changed me.

The Work — Deepening the Craft
At the beginning of 2019, I committed to deepening my craft in a real way. I immersed myself in a three-and-a-half-month intensive series of online acting classes with Jo Kelly, followed later in the year by an industry-standard audition intensive with Crystal Carson in Atlanta.
 
Alongside that, I completed five Masterclass online courses across acting, directing, filmmaking, and screenwriting subjects, took a six-week acting/storytelling class at Grand Street community theatre, and stayed engaged in a monthly play-reading study group. I made time to see fellow artists’ shows and performances —continuing to learn not just from study, but from being in the creative ecosystem itself.
 
These classes became about more than training. I began to understand more deeply why I’m an artist —shedding things, people, and processes that didn’t support that— and building ways of working that align with how I learn and how I stay creatively alive and full.

Photo credits: Jason O'Neil, Justin Baker, Charles Perry

The Work in the World — Film & Industry
This year, the work stepped out into the world.
 
I auditioned several times and was cast in the short film Homestead, filming in October 2019 with a stellar crew from LA and Montana. The project is now in post-production, with a completed rough cut and additional fundraising underway as it moves toward the festival circuit.
 
I also worked with a group of Missoula filmmakers after being cast in We Burn Like This, and was cast in a local commercial as a snowboarder, with the PSA set to release soon. Another short I acted in, Sudden Developments, premiered at the Bigfork Film Festival in spring 2019.
 
One of the standout moments of the year was traveling to Hollywood as both actress and executive producer for the screening of Willow Creek Road at the TCL Chinese Theatre. A truly dreamy highlight!

I also contributed deeply to the documentary Black Cowboy, putting nearly two years of preparation into the project… completing an interview, supporting the team with connections, research, feedback, and even providing lodging and meals during production. It was a full-bodied contribution of time, energy, and care.
 
Through all of this, I stepped more fully into calling myself a professional —clearer and more determined in how I want to share my talents on this wild, creative path.

Photo credits: Jenna Ciralli, Tashia Gates

The Anchor — Wuthering Heights
The largest accomplishment of this past year was being part of the team that completed the independent film Wuthering Heights.
 
Throughout 2019 —and much of 2018— I spent nearly every Thursday night on conference calls with a small, tenacious team, working through every layer of the production. I gave countless lunch hours and evenings to scheduling, communication, team morale, reviewing edits, performing ADR, and supporting marketing efforts.
 
It took grit, compromise, long-distance collaboration, hard conversations, and follow through on an overwhelming number of details. It wasn’t perfect but it was real. And the heart, talent, and care poured into it were felt by everyone who came to the screening.

We premiered in Montana in December 2019. After five and a half years of work, what began as an idea became a completed piece of film. 

Photo credit: Rachel Riitano

Our festival journey begins in January 2020 at the Flathead Lake International Cinemafest.

You can follow us on Facebook or check our website to keep up with our journey with this film! Tap/click on the picture icons.

The Life That Held It All
Life didn’t pause while I was building all of this.
 
I found grounding and freedom snowboarding across places like Lake Louise, Banff Sunshine, Sun Valley, Snowbird, and here at home in Montana. There’s nothing like being out on the mountain and letting the forest clear my energy and reconnect me to something bigger.

​Summer brought its own kind of expansion… more time in nature, new friendships, and learning to ask for support with my emotions and mindset in ways that felt vulnerable and courageous. If you’ve never been, the Bonneville Salt Flats in Utah has a unique mystique that watered my imagination for the poetry I write.
 
At the same time, real life was happening. Truck issues that wouldn’t quit. A frozen main water pipe at my house, that included life with out running water for a week, a huge plumbing bill, and a new found immense gratitude for how blessed we are to have clean water plumbed right into our homes. Travel for my day job, including a national conference in Austin (and watching a million bats fly from under the Congress Avenue Bridge). Long days, full schedules, and nights where I fell into bed completely exhausted.

There were also moments of showing up for others… helping family members through injury and emotional trauma, maintaining friendships, and doing my best to stay present in all of it.
 
It was full. It was messy. It was real life alongside the art.

Support, Mentorship, and Healing
I didn’t do this alone.
 
This year, I deepened into healing and self-worth work with a group of women who supported me in learning to live with more self-love, presence, and honesty. Through that work, and the books we studied together, I began to shift the way I speak to myself and understand my own value.
 
I also had the support of a dear veteran friend who introduced me to Tai Chi, grounding my energy and helping me focus in a new way and learn how to tame the wild anxiety I’ve had for years. Time spent outside with my feet in the grass and on the earth, moving, breathing, and learning to be present in my body became an unexpected and powerful part of my growth.
 
Working with a craniosacral therapist helped me recover from injuries and reconnect to parts of myself that needed care and attention after years of pushing through.

I now have rituals that help me stay in the center of my personal power and also to process life.  Embedded in my life always are books… these books were invaluable this past year “You Are a Badass at Making Money” “Rise Sister Rise” and “Everything is Figureoutable” have helped me observe self-conversation and begin curating a line of conversation that will help buoy my spirit and soul for my art and for me as a human being.
 
These relationships and practices gave me steadiness, confidence, and a deeper sense of being supported as I grew.

Who I Became
This past year has been about individuating —about moving into owning myself more fully. Seeing and feeling me underneath the masks. Staying in courage to unmask. 
 
I’ve learned to handle my anxiety better. To communicate in real time instead of holding things in. To speak up for my value and my time. To create space away from people and environments that didn’t allow me to feel like myself and those that were holding me in place or holding me back.
 
And then, to return back into life, friendships, love, and art with more authenticity, warmth, and most importantly greater self-trust.
 
Not perfectly. But honestly.

Gratitude
I’m deeply grateful for the people in my life who showed up for me this year… friends and family who listened, supported, shared their knowledge, gave me space to vent, helped me when I needed it, and stood beside me through all of it.
 
I truly couldn’t have done this year without you.

​Closing — Forward Edge
I intend to carry everything I’ve learned this past year into my art, my work, my relationships, and my life in even bigger ways.
 
I’m scared.
I’m excited.
And I’m ready.
 
Cheers to 2020.   xoxo

PS
Thank you for taking the time to read about this chapter.
 
If you’ve never paused to look back at what you’ve done in a year, it’s worth it. Take a look through your phone; I’ll bet there are a ton of pictures you took of things that made you feel good. There’s often more there than we give ourselves credit for.