I SWEAR I heard a boing-ing sound, felt my head bounce and my eyes blinked twice as I overheard a lady say, “Oh she can’t be smart…she’s pretty. She’s good natured, happy, oh you know, the sort, the Pollyannish, goofy type. She can’t really speak intelligently. Dresses young…and ya know, just who does she think she is anyway…” and on and on the lady went ad nauseam spitting out negative things about a chick I didn’t know. I kept waiting for the horrible thing this lady did to warrant the comments, like maybe run over their cat on purpose, hurt their children, steal their man, sabotage their life in some big way, was mean -but nothing came up in their conversation.
I felt myself slide slightly downwards in the booth at the restaurant where I ate lunch alone. I thought about saying something to them as I felt I had been verbally punched in my own personal sunshine. My cheeks burned and my throat got tight as I recalled when people have said similar things about me and it‘s gotten back to me. Or times when peeps have bluntly said things to my face. That group of ladies in the booth behind me finally got up to leave and pay for their lunch laughing and giggling.
I sat there. Thinkin’. Finishing my lunch.
I am happy. Most of the time. Ok, so I don’t wake up all sunshine and roses when I first roll out of bed… I have bed head (I like to call it rock star hair :) always got to at try and re-frame negative stuff in my head, yeah baby!), stinky breath, leftover makeup I didn’t get off from the day before, pillow imprints on my face as I feel my way down the hall to get to the bathroom with one eye open, one eye closed. My happy blooms as I start getting my thinking going, as I start making my way.
In my imagination, my hair was suddenly restyled into a big 80’s hairstyle and I jumped onto my church pulpit… (I think there is a lil Baptist minister in me somewhere because boy-oh-boy can I rain it down ;) and Iet’er rip. Then I thought, wait just a hot minute here, why am I doing this? Now I am shutting down my sunshine because of an overheard conversation. I’ve been guilty too of lack of sunshine & positivity resulting in shooting off my mouth. Think about it…
To me happiness is living sunshine, that I choose. It’s an intelligent, loving and higher vibe choice.
Just because someone is good natured, kind or happy doesn’t mean they don’t have a ton of poop going on in their life! Sometimes, when people seem to be super happy, they are covering up a lot of pain and life struggle. Hats off and a HUGE shout out to you if you are one of those people who make your way in life with the best sunshine you can like some badass superhero. What a brave choice to make! Way to go using your mind and heart to choose your words, attitude, and be responsible for the energy space around you.
There is SO much to appreciate in living life and I get to do it! What a cool way to honor myself by building internal sunshine and expressing it. Sometimes I feel my heart will burst with warm and fuzzy poofs of sunshine by observing and taking in the miracles around me. In drinking my coffee, I get to taste it, know it energizes me. Every system in my body is a universe by itself and oh my goodness, isn’t that just a dizzying, make you sit down in amazement thought? I get to drive, go to work, breathe, help out my workmates, create in film and on stage, write using my imagination, go to the doctor when I am sick, love my family & friends and keep making my way even when I fall on my face. I get to eat up every life adventure with a fork, knife and spoon choosing to fill up my soul with the experiences of life.
Just so you know too, sometimes people are full of sunshine because they are feeling good, thinking good thoughts and that sunny feeling shines out of every pore in their face. I think as you grow (or don't) through life, you wear your soul on your face. Your face shows when you are making choices that support goodness and staying curious with an open mind and heart.
Yup, these are a whole lot better thoughts than where I was headed after I overheard that conversation.
As I let this sit and re-read it, I judged my own writing…it’s too full of fluffy feel good. However, I stand by it. 100%. There is a ton of science, spiritual, and positive psychology information (which I read regularly to help feed my sunshine) supporting how leaning into positive improves attitude, perspective, humor and health. Besides reading, I love filling up my positivity by being out in nature, drinking in sunshine for my heart, soul and attitude.
I encourage you to get up just one day in the next week, a whole heck of a lot earlier than you normally do and enjoy a sunrise. Really take it into your heart and mind. What a gift of light to bring that sunshine into your day and bless it. After you get filled up with all that lovely light, think about some things you deeply appreciate and then get after your day. Send it out there with all the sunshine and loves you can muster. Feel free to share in the comments below what you do to stay positive and honor your own sunshine too!
PS: In case you have life circumstances that make it hard for you to see the sunrise, I got up at 5:15am yesterday and got my buns over to Mt. Helena so I could share one thing that helps light up my soul, mind and heart. Without fail it shows up for us every day…gloriously bringing our day to life. And it really is just for YOU honey.
Blog by Mary Riitano...
I'm a Montana actress on a journey sharing my heart and growth through blogging, stories, and poetry, I have faith you'll find empowerment and inspiration to create like a champion in your own life!
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